I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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