tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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