He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I looked at my own cervix.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
