If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
this is an emotional support booty call
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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