The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
