I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
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Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
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we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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