If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
