I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
