i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
