The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
