A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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