dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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