i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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