dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
