He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
