Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
