$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize