U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
