you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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