i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
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i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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