Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
