YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
