i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
handjob tips. give me some.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
