She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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