There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
