Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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