I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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