Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
one might say we're banned from that church
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
