Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
