Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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