Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
