someone get that fucking seahorse.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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