I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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