it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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