He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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