sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
