I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
