I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
