i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
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He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
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Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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