Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
there's paper in my vomit.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize