you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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