I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
