Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
