there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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