I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
