Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize