Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
