I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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