Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize