I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
