I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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