i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
