I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
