We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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