Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
