I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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