it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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