just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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