just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
