Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
