I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
