Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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