another moral hangover. fuck.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
